I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
