Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
