Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
