He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
