i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
