I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
