Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
