That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize