To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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