every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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