I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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