pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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