I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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