dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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