my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
