There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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