the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
