Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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