I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
