So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
