We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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