Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And then my night got REAL pukey
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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