i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
