K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
