Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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