Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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