I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's how pantless uber rides happen
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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