at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Two words: blizzard sex
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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