Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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