I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
