can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
