i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
