my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
