On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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