you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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