Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
