she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize