Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think a kid would responsible me up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
