If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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