he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
