I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
