thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
