we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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