I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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