Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
