I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize