In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
