I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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