Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
