Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
