You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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