I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
