i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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