I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just had sex on a roof
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
