If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize