I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
