You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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