Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize