My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
