her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
