I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
