everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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