i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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