1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
