I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
