Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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